As I Stand Here Watching
by MoonStarr
Summary: James, Remus and Sirius, with theirs thoughts and views on the past and Harry. r/r
1. Default Chapter

10:49 PM 3/1/2001  
  
  
James Potter:   
. . . . . .As I stand here watching, my baby boy Harry is giggling up a storm. Oh how did I ever get so lucky? I stand here in the living room of our home, watching Lily tickle our son's belly. A smile crosses my face as I peer outside the window. Not too much longer I think to myself. Then we won't need a secret keeper anymore. Still, I have a nagging feeling on the Halloween night. I know I can trust Sirius, but, something just isn't right with Peter lately. I try to shake it off, but, Peter's been acting more nervous then ever each day. I didn't see him tonight for the daily update. I wonder... if maybe... But I snap out of my daze at the sound of Lily's laugh. I look over to her. Beautiful is the first word to come to my mind. I don't deserve her really. I smile, softly laughing at myself. What a wonderful, brilliant, girl like that ever saw in a troublemaker like me? I'll never know. I look down to Harry. They are right, he does look just like me. Except for the eyes, those are his mother's.   
. . . . . .Then there is a noise outside. A laughter, one of pure evil. Without even looking out the window I know who it is, and worse of all, who betrayed us to him. Oh Wormtail, my dear friend, why? Why did you do this to me and my family? I thought we were friends. After all we've been through. The mischief, making the Marauder's Map, he jokes, becoming Animagi to help Remus, punishments, why? Why?!   
. . . . . .I run to the door pulling out my wand. One thought on my mind. I must save my family, even if I die in the act. Save Harry and Lily. I take what I fear may be my last look at my wife and son. "Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off! " She pauses, but nods and goes to exit out the back of the house. The door bursts open and there he is. Lord Voldermort. I ready myself, prepared to at least try and fight against him. I open my mouth to shout a spell, but it's too late. "AVADA KEDAVRA!", he yells. My eyes widen as the bright green light comes treaking to me. No where to go, no way to block it. The last thoughts on my mind are of my friends and family. My true friends, Sirius and Remus. Take care of Harry and Lily for me. Lily, my only love, how I love you. I'll be waiting for you. Harry, oh my son, how I wish I could stay, to watch you grow. Do remember how much your father loves you. Then.. everything goes black and I feel nothing.   
  
Remus J. Lupin   
. . . . . .As I stand here watching Harry focus on the Patronus Charm I've taught him, my mind wanders. I can't help but think how much he's like you James. Not just in features, but in his actions. So determined, stubborn. I smile wryly, So mischievous. True, I won't deny it. But for a few seconds, on the Hogwarts Express, I thought it was you again. I swore it had to be you.   
. . . . . .The jet black messed up hair, the glasses. Till I then saw the green eyes and lighting bolt scar. Then I knew it was Harry, and my heart ached to just embrace him, like I would you, dear friend. A soft thud snaps me from my thoughts, to see Harry on the ground. Shutting the Boggart back into the suitcase, I rush over to him. Giving him a bit of chocolate, I stare at him as he tells me what he's heard. I want to reach out, to hold him, reassure him that everything will be alright, but.. I can't. Too much guilt, how would I explain it all to him? "Perhaps we should leave it here for tonight. This charm is ridiculously advanced. I shouldn't have suggested putting you through this." But he'll here nothing of it.   
. . . . . .So I open the suitcase, letting the Boggart out once more. So much like you. So brave. I wish you could see it. I know you'd be proud. He plays Quidditch as well as you do. I know, I'm not his Godfather. That's Sirius' position. But, I promise you Prongs, I'll look after him. As best as I can for as long as I can. I won't let any harm come to him. For your sake. For Lily's sake. For his sake. A smile, curls at the corner of my lips. Yes, even for Padfoots sake.   
  
Sirius Black   
. . . . . . As I stand here in the Shrieking Shack, I see him turn to face me. I stare at him, Harry, my Godson. How much you look like your father. Has anyone ever told you that? Has anyone ever told you how green your eyes are? Just like your mothers. I shut the door behind me. No, as much as I love him, as much as I need to protect him. I can't let him leave. Not till I get my revenge on Pettigrew. Pettigrew, the name makes me sick to my stomach. How could such a man take this boys parents away from him? They would have been so proud of him. Getting into Gryffindor, playing seeker in Quidditch. He plays as well as you James. I saw him that day. He could be a professional one day.   
. . . . . . Somehow my mind isn't fully registering all that is happening in the room, for the next minute I'm knocked to the ground. Harry throwing punches at me, my hands on his neck. I get kicked as he's pulled away, his wand pointed at me. I sigh to myself, and speak to him in a hoarse voice, I barely recognize as my own. "Going to kill me then Harry?: "You killed my Mum and Dad!" I close my eyes, No, I can't deny it. It was my fault. If I hadn't made James change secret keepers, they may still be alive. Oh Harry, I'm so sorry. I know you hate me. But please, understand that I didn't know. I never meant for it to happen. I grit my teeth and set my jaw. No, I won't let myself cry in front of him, I can't.   
. . . . . . The door suddenly bursts open and a man runs in. I look up and can't believe my eyes. Moony! Dear Moony! He looks to me, with his gray eyes, stares at me, like he's searching my mind for reason. A softness comes to them for a split second, and I know he understands. Moony always was a fast one. Quick to catch onto things. Then he does something, he hugs me. I cling onto him, as if my life depended on it, on him. How I've missed him. After he let's go, I slowly move myself over to the bed, Crookshanks, as the girl called the cat following me. Finally, finally, I let myself cry. Softly, but I do.   
. . . . . . Prongs, dear, dear Prongs. You were like a brother to me. I swear, I swear on my very like that I will protect Harry. I'll protect him with all the magic and power that I have in me. Even if I die in the process. I won't let the same fate happen to him that happened to you. I promise...   



	2. A Rat

As I Stand Here Watching  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing here. It all belongs to J. K. Rowling. I just own the idea for this story.  
  
Summary: Peter's thoughts about himself, his friends and the night that changed everything.  
  
Warning: Does have spoilers for PoA and GoF.  
  
Authors Note: Okay, I posted Chapter one to this over a year ago. Never really thought I'd ever add more to it. Just thought I'd leave it with James, Remus and Sirius, but then I saw the movie again on video, re-read the books again and ideas popped into my mind. Like this one. How does Peter think of himself? Of what he's done? Might even do some more on the other characters thoughts. If you have a character who's thoughts about Harry, the Marauder's and everything else going on, please feel free to let me know in a review and I'll try and do a chapter on them.  
  
Casey: -. Shouldn't you be writing for your other story?  
  
Snickers: I am, just coming along slowly.. besides this one's eating away at me like Sirius with chicken.  
  
Sirius: o.- I'm offended.. I was really hungry. Rats can get boring you know.  
  
Snickers: Oh please. We all know why you were eating rats in the first place.  
  
Sirius: Ã´.o Point? Maybe I'll get lucky and find a nice, big, juicy one to play around with before I finish him off.  
  
Remus: Sirius..please, be serious.  
  
Sirius: ^^ I'm always Sirius!  
  
All: ::groan::  
  
Sirius: What? o.o By the way, what's this story about?  
  
Snickers: Oh nothing.. just Peter and his thoughts about himself, what all he's done. Finding out his true self..  
  
Sirius: A story about him!! That Rat?! Why?  
  
Snickers: o.o; Well.. I've done one about you, James and Remus so...  
  
Sirius: But...but....but....  
  
Remus: Padfoot... love, calm yourself and let her go on with her story before you frighten the readers away. Or else.. there'll be no treat for you after supper. :: wryly grin::  
  
Sirius: ^^;; I'll behave Moony! Really! ;.; Not teasing me are you?  
  
Remus: :: whispers in his ear::  
  
Sirius:: :: blush:: Remus!  
  
Snickers: -. Moving onto the story now...  
  
Casey: X.x Yes please..let's get it on.. I mean over with..  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
  
  
Peter Pettigrew:  
  
...... As I stand here watching, Lord V-Vo-Vol.. He who must not, no...no.. My...My Master is having me help him to rise again. I'm here, in a graveyard, wand in my hand, knife in my pocket, black cauldron near me. Death Eaters are nearby, off in the shadows watching. I'm glad they aren't too close. I'm not keen on them.  
  
James' boy is here. Unharmed, as of yet. But I fear he will suffer the same fate as his friend. I.. I've kill the poor boy. I didn't want to! But the Dark Lord is powerful!! He would have killed me if I defied him. Just like he would have if I didn't hand James and Lily over to him. Harry as well. A baby, w-why he would fear such a small innocent child, I do not know but he wanted him. Remus and Sirius were to be next and...and... Sirius was right. I deserve death, deserve Azkaban, deserve the kiss of the Dementors. It..It's all my fault.  
  
Oh Moony, Padfoot, Prongs where did it all go wrong? Dare I still even call you by those names? I know where it went wrong. With me, that's where. I was always the weakest one. Always needing help, always afraid, always stuttering as I do now. Just like I am at this moment, tying dear, sweet Harry to a tombstone, trying to mutter a sorry excuse for an apology, but all that comes out is a wheeze, and stutter. Like I would dare do anything to upset or make the Dark Lord angry with me.  
  
I'm sorry James. You should never have made me secret keeper. I should have told you not to pick me, to take Sirius, but I didn't. I was too afraid. But, he's so powerful and you don't know what he would have done to me!! You don't know....you....you do know..... cause he did it to you. And I did it to Sirius.. I got him framed. I didn't actually kill him, but I killed the part of him that we all knew back in Hogwarts..I destroyed Remus as well. Leaving him alone to suffer all those years.. And Harry.. off to live with those relatives of his. Y-you know who.. I believe doesn't know about it. Or if he does, he dares not tell me.  
  
Harry.....Harry you should have let Moony and Padfoot kill me. You shouldn't have spared me. I.. I know, it's my honor as a wizard that I owe you my life now in return, but, I'm scared to think that I'll never be able to do it.. I have to take blood from you Harry, it..it will hurt.. and I wish.. I wish I didn't have to but, he is so powerful and I am so weak.. not strong like your father and the others. You shut your eyes in pain and I cut into your arm, taking your blood and putting it into the cauldron for the potion.  
  
They say, that your Animagi form chooses you.. mine choose me well..  
  
I am truly a rat.  
  
  
  
  
  
Please R/R!! Thanks!! 


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